Don't make out with my wife yet
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
