I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
