sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
