I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
