I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
