Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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