I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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