Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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