FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
