Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
