Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Randomize
