My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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