planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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