I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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