the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
