You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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