She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
