I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
