4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
My liver just had a heart attack.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
