Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
