Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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