Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
