I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
