I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
