I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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