last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
