She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
my being single is dangerous.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
