So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
