i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
