Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
