i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
