she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
