new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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