You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
