yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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