I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
