You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
i now understand why vodka
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
