I murdered the dance floor call the cops
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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