I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
