So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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