oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
