absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
