Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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