i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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