remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
