I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
