I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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