i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
