the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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