having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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