Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Pappa wants mamma naked
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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