I'm jealous of your bromance
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
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