I feel like I'm in dance class right now
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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