I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
